


i'm not melodramatic

by tormented_heathens



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lowercase, Mentioned Dave | Technoblade, Mentioned Fundy, Mentioned Lazarbeam, Mentioned Toby Smith | Tubbo, mentioned sapnap, no beta we die like tommy's mental health, please stay safe!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:29:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tormented_heathens/pseuds/tormented_heathens
Summary: you don't want to die, you tell yourself----------Tommy isn't dealing well with his exile.Lowercase intended, TW for depression/suicide/general angst. Why do block men make us cry so much?
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 8
Kudos: 192





	i'm not melodramatic

you don't want to die, you tell yourself,

but that doesn't mean you can't be curious. your brother is a ghost, after all! why wouldn't you want to know what being dead feels like?

it's a cold night in l'manberg. and you've just had a fight with your best friend. you still think you were right - you hadn't even meant for george's house to burn down. it wasn't your fault that dream was such a bitch, either. none of this had been your fault! tubbo just didn't see that. you turn to your brother.

"wil- ghostbur, what's it like being dead?" you ask him, and he doesn't immediately answer. when he does, his explanation is vague at best. you thank him anyway and rub your hands together, pretending that the pain you're feeling is caused by the cold instead of the memory of your best friend calling you 'selfish'.

* * *

you don't want to die, you tell yourself

but going to war with dream sounds like a good idea. you tell tubbo and fundy and quackity, and they all seem on board. quackity suggests you talk to technoblade, and even though his name makes your heart ache, you agree. it'd be nice to talk to him again. you ask quackity if he can convince the rest, and he agrees, telling fundy and tubbo to help him. they nod, and that's supposed to be it. you pretend not to see tubbo's hesitation.

* * *

you don't want to die, you tell yourself,

but you really want dream to die. you tell him. he chuckles. you yell at him. it was all his fault; if he hadn't opened his stupid mouth tubbo wouldn't have exiled you - wouldn't have betrayed you. you yell at him until your voice breaks. he doesn't react. he brings you to an island - wilbur had wanted to go there - and asks you to throw away your stuff. you refuse. he threatens to kill you, and you finally drop your armour down the hole he made. you tell him it wouldn't be a bad thing if you died, though, and he laughs, and you laugh with him. you pretend it was just a joke.

* * *

you don't want to die, you tell yourself,

but you'd rather die than talk to technoblade. tubbo's betrayal has ruined you. while you wouldn't have minded talking to technoblade before, you can't help but be hurt. he laughs at you more than necessary, and you tell him to fuck off, refusing to show that it gets to you. he still means a lot to you, but he betrayed you. you try to stab him when you get the chance, but he gets away before you can do any harm. he tells you you've been working with the wrong people, and you ignore him. you pretend it's his fault everything went wrong, and not yours.

* * *

you don't want to die, you tell yourself,

but you thought sapnap was your friend. you laugh bitterly - you had thought that a lot, lately. you thought tubbo was your friend, but he exiled you. you thought quackity was your friend, but he hasn't been here yet. you thought ranboo and fundy were your friends, and to be fair, they still are, but you're not sure how long that will last. wilbur - ghostbur, you mean - and sapnap and dream go to l'manberg, and you pretend it doesn't hurt you.

* * *

you don't want to die, you tell yourself,

but the lava seems so warm, so welcoming. you stare down at it and think that maybe death isn't so bad.

dream pushes you away from the edge. he says it's not your time yet, and for some reason, you reply that it's never your time. he smiles somewhat sadly at you. you ignore him and walk back to the nether portal instead. he doesn't care. he can't care! he wouldn't keep threatening to kill you if he did, and he wouldn't keep blowing up the things you've fairly earned. the crackling of the lava reminds you of home, and you're not sure why. you pretend not to know that everything reminds you of home.

* * *

you don't want to die, you tell yourself,

but you wake up in the ocean near logstedshire. you panic. you swim up to the surface, and you're almost there, but you gasp for air too early and your lungs fill with water. you swim even faster. you drag yourself onto the shore and start coughing your lungs up. it hurts, and you wish someone was there to help you, but you're all alone. you sob, not sure if it's because of the pain or because you can't deal with this anymore. you sit there for a few hours, and then you get up and walk to logstedshire. you pretend this never happened.

* * *

you don't want to die, you tell yourself,

but when dream is helping you build a nether highway, you almost tell dream that you do. you stare down at the lava again, and imagine falling into it. it's oddly comforting. you let yourself relax more and more as you walk towards the edge. this is it.

dream shakes you from your thoughts. he tells you not to do it, that you can't take your last life yourself, and you laugh at him. you hadn't actually meant it, obviously. you shake the feeling that this has happened before, and walk back home. you pretend that you were telling the truth.

* * *

you don't want to die, you tell yourself,

but you're sitting on top of a tower in l'manberg. you weren't supposed to be there, but dream was nowhere to be found. even if he was, it wouldn't matter. he couldn't stop you from entering l'manberg anymore. nobody could.

you think about your friends. you think about ranboo, who told you he'd be by your side but wasn't there for you. you think about fundy, who just tried to find a family. he wouldn't miss you. you think about quackity, who was too busy with mexican l'manberg - or was it el rapids now? nobody bothered to fill you in. you think about sam, and puffy, and sapnap, and george, and your dad, and your brothers. you even think about dream.

lastly, you think about tubbo. tubbo, who'd been your best friend from the very beginning. he still had your discs. he can keep them, you think. you don't need them anymore. you look down at the compass wilbur gave you. he was right; it was pointing straight at the white house. you knew tubbo had one, too, one that always pointed toward you. you turn to look at the lodestone you'd taken from logstedshire and you hope his compass updates soon.

* * *

you don't want to die, you tell yourself,

but you jump anyway.


End file.
